The FibblesnorkTM
Über-Garlic Pickle.

  • 1 (one) 24-oz. jar Claussen® Spears or
    1 (one) 32-oz. jar Claussen® Halves
    For top quality, use only Claussen pickles, found in the refrigerator section. Note that the flavor in the Spears matures more quickly than the flavor in the Halves. Do not use any other brand unless they are uncooked and refrigerated. Cooked pickles are limp and soggy. Uncooked pickles (like Claussen) are firm and crunchy. If you know of any other uncooked refrigerated brands, I'd like to hear about them.

  • 2-3 Habenero peppers, sliced
    (Omit these for a milder pickle.)

  • 3-4 Serrano peppers, sliced
    (Omit these and the Habeneros if you're a real wimp.)

  • 2-3 Jalapeño peppers, sliced
    (Omit these and go straight for the Serranos and/or Habeneros if you're a serious conniseur of hot foods.)

  • 12 cloves garlic, pressed or finely chopped
    That's not 1-2, as in 1-to-2, that's twelve cloves — or between half and a whole head of garlic. You'll have to decide what number is right for you, and this might require a little trial and error as the size of garlic cloves varies by as much as 10x from smallest to largest. Generally, you want about 1 medium-sized clove for every 2 ounces of volume the jar holds.

  • 1 tbsp. crushed red pepper flakes
    (Optional; doesn't really add any additional flavor or hotness; just there to scare people when they see them floating amongst the plump green dills.)

First day:
  1. Drain and discard 1 oz. picklewater from jar.
  2. Remove pickles from jar, cut into 3/4" slices, and return pickles to jar.
  3. Add garlic and peppers to jar.
  4. Cover jar (close lid tightly) and shake vigorously for 2 minutes.
  5. Refrigerate.
  6. Scrub hands thoroughly.
  7. Scrub hands thoroughly, again. (Seriously. Hot pepper oils are nasty.)
Subsequent days:
  1. Shake for 5 seconds every 24 hours.
  2. Taste becomes fuller with each passing day.

Additional Notes
Too much or too little?

Unless you adore the taste of pure, raw garlic, it is possible to go overboard on the garlic you add.

The first thing you should taste when you bite in is the hot peppers and the dill, with the garlic coming later as your mouth fills with its aroma. The aftertaste should be a warm, buttery sensation that lasts for half a minute or so, with a secondary aftertaste lasting 15 minutes or more, sometimes an hour or two.

Make sure that you have tried the taste of pure, raw garlic at least once so that you know what it tastes like — this is how the pickles should not taste. Pure, raw garlic burns your tongue in a different way than hot peppers do, and it's not a very pleasant experience.

There is something about a proper balance between the hotness level of the peppers and the amount of garlic, and there seems to be some kind of chemical reaction between the two which produces the right flavor when well balanced. Too much garlic and it tastes like raw garlic. Not enough garlic and they just taste like regular hot pickles. If you get the warm, buttery flavor without the raw garlic taste, then you know you've done it just right!

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Fibblesnork and Über-Garlic are trademarks of Todd Lehman.